Lately, there’s been an abundance of vacations in my area. In addition, a typhoon has settled here, forcing the government to issue school suspensions. I’ve been taking this opportunity to catch up on sleep. But thinking back, I don’t really need to catch-up.
It’s been a habit of mine to sleep when I have nothing else to do. It’s kinda like a hobby, only somewhere on the borderline of want and have. As some people choose to drink to forget, I choose to sleep to forget.
I sleep to forget. I noticed this that when my schedule becomes hectic, or I become sad, or depressed, I use sleep because it’s the only time that I have no control over my memories.
I sleep to procrastinate. I usually say, “Okay, let’s sleep now, wake up later and work later.” But that never works of course. I don’t hear any alarm that I set before I lie down, and even if I do, I get up, then lie down again only to regret it when I completely become conscious.
I sleep to escape. This hardly counts as a third goal, since it’s kind of a by-product of the first two. I sleep to stop all the noise, all the nuisances, all the worries and all the hate I receive everyday and every waking night of my life.
I know that somehow I am exaggerating, of how my life is a miserable place, but I can’t help but feeling constricted and imprisoned in my own conscious mind. Before, it used to be fiction writing that served as my escape, or even my mirror to life. However, jam-packed schedules don’t give a leeway to doing that and to my reasoning, sleep is compulsory and necessary, thus cannot be removed anyways.
If there was something about this day worth being awake for, then sleep would not be an option.