There are some things in life that change rapidly, and some, change quite slowly. No matter how prepared we are, or how prepared we think we are, there’s always a trip wire somewhere that sets off an alarm in your head, telling you there is something remotely wrong when you’re comfortable enough to lower your ground.
This kind of jolt in your life stability is a challenge to bear, and usually, it involves gaining something new, and losing something familiar, or granted to you. Loss, can be seen as a great thing, when taken to perspective of losing a life.
In a diagram (more complicatedly named Kübler-Ross), it is expressed that there are five stages of grief. Despite the popular use of these stages and life or death situations (losing a loved one, being terminally diagnosed, etc.), there are small things, everyday, that results in a loss. And these losses, albeit smaller than a live or death balance, is just as devastating.
Even these smallest losses, as I found out, goes through roughly the same cycle. To the point that even losing a pen does (‘I’m sure it’s here somewhere…”, “I can’t believe I lost it!”, “I hope I still find it somewhere, maybe trace back some steps?”, “It’s gone… It’s just gone.”, “Welp, let’s get a new one for class.”).
Loss can be a lot of things. Loss of friendship, lost loved one, et cetera. But there are also personal losses. Loss of confidence, is one. It’s something that you do for yourself, or have for yourself that it’s not really a concern for others. But it’s a loss, and a great one. But unlike the other more popular examples, having a personal loss is something that not a lot of people can empathize with (especially when you’re not that open or expressive), so it cuts deeper. More insecurities, more doubt, more hurtful what-ifs, and you go down on a downward spiral that seems endless. And the only person who can help you, is yourself.
I’ve found out about this cycle myself, over the past couple of weeks. The cycle goes on and on, for various issues, may they be personal or academic troubles. I guess at some point I started pro-longing the denial stage and go straight to the more negative reactions and I realize that I’ve been making myself devastated overtime. Straight down the spiral as my comfort zone shrinks down to a size of a coin.
But I’ve been learning. That last stage of acceptance has been hard to reach, but what it takes is a bit of faith and trust (not to sound at all Disney-fied) and the ability to just lift yourself out of the stable comfort zone that is collapsing anyways. Accept the change, accept the new things, accept that not all things will always go your way, and maybe it’s better that way anyways.
Things change. Learn to roll with it, and learn something along the way. Then maybe, you can keep going, and instead of getting comfortable with something stationary, maybe you’ll find comfort in the journey itself.