On Free Time and Rest Days

It has come to one of those days when I whine about my adulthood and complain that I no longer have free time. This is also the time that it is mandatory to have a wake-up call of reality.

Contemplating on this dilemma, I looked back on what I used to do over the years when I did have my free time. Did I do productive things? Not really. Most of them involved lying in bed and watching video after video on Youtube. And repeating the same video again when I felt like recalling them. Last year’s vacation was fun for two weeks but the days that followed until its end was boring as always. Weekends tend to run the same every week, doing whatever for time-wasting leisure.

I reflected on why that is. Whenever I am busy, I always think of free time as a treasure that one looks forward to getting every week. But once I get there, I become overwhelmed with the feeling of “okay, what now?”

But… I wanted to do so many things! It’s my day, and I decide on the endless possibilities!

And THAT freedom is almost a prison in itself. Your day, your choice. And I find yourself disappointed, as your day became endless scrolling through Facebook.

Did you ever get that overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to do due to the vast choices? Do I clean my room? Do I go out with friends? Do I spend my mornings walking or my afternoons writing this post for a blog?

It’s about time to be reflective of this treasure to better accommodate my life’s free space.

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What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist – The New Yorker

It’s easy to agree that people today are too self-absorbed, but a new book explores the deep narcissism inherent in that very view of society.

Source: What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist – The New Yorker

A good view of the history of the term narcissist and what it means to be one. It also explores the narcissistic views on gender roles, narcisphere and manosphere, and how it affects the interactions between them. I think this view borderlines not only on narcissism, but expectations.

I’m fine.

 

We become sad. At times. And we feel the most sadness when we start to tear up and cry. We cry when we are left alone at school, or when we hit ourselves over the head with a ball as a child. We cry when we fly alone to go to college. We cry when we receive a first heartbreak. And a second, and a third.

It’s ridiculous and useless when you think about it. Nothing really gets accomplished. But why do it? Why do we cry?

This is not going to be one of those psychology posts that explains scientifically why you cry, no. But deep down, you’re bound to know why you are crying, even without the scientific terms and jargon. And even if when people coerce you to tell them why, you don’t.

We cry to let people know that we are not okay. We are in pain, we are overwhelmed. And some kind of reassurance that everything is going to be okay is the expected response to the listeners. It’s kind of both a convenience and inconvenience if you think about it, there really is just no way to hide what you’re feeling unless you are really good at hiding them.

I’m alright.

But nowadays, it doesn’t happen that way, where people express an immediate response of empathy. People are being conditioned that crying is weak, and unappealing. Even women are not supposed to cry, in this age of feminism and women empowerment. Men are not exempted of this fact, even if women express that they love a man who can cry. And no, sweating through your eyes is not going to cut it.

We are supposed to strong independent individuals and we need to appear that way even if the darkest corners of your heart are craving for a good cry, a good shout that “Hey! I need some help!”

Because we are supposed to be strong. We are supposed to be strong enough to face whatever challenges overcome us.

I’m okay.

We are supposed to be fine. I cannot stress enough how bad that simple word appears. We have ended up in a world where people are only allowed to cry behind closed doors. Only to the closest of people that you know will empathize, and even those are already so hard to find.

We cry to let people know we are not okay. When we don’t, people will just pass by and think that we are, even if we are not.

And people will just pass by.

And feelings will be left unheard.

And you walk on, and you say that one line to yourself once more.

“I’m fine.”

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.

Sometimes we forget that we do have the ability to think about things critically, even if it seems that situations are normal or accepted. There would be less of a need to talk about what you think when everybody earns the respect of individual thought.

Freedom of speech is a very relative kind of freedom. It is sensitive, it is situational. And sometimes for good reason. Which is why the mind must think first, the mouth open second.