I’m fine.


We become sad. At times. And we feel the most sadness when we start to tear up and cry. We cry when we are left alone at school, or when we hit ourselves over the head with a ball as a child. We cry when we fly alone to go to college. We cry when we receive a first heartbreak. And a second, and a third.

It’s ridiculous and useless when you think about it. Nothing really gets accomplished. But why do it? Why do we cry?

This is not going to be one of those psychology posts that explains scientifically why you cry, no. But deep down, you’re bound to know why you are crying, even without the scientific terms and jargon. And even if when people coerce you to tell them why, you don’t.

We cry to let people know that we are not okay. We are in pain, we are overwhelmed. And some kind of reassurance that everything is going to be okay is the expected response to the listeners. It’s kind of both a convenience and inconvenience if you think about it, there really is just no way to hide what you’re feeling unless you are really good at hiding them.

I’m alright.

But nowadays, it doesn’t happen that way, where people express an immediate response of empathy. People are being conditioned that crying is weak, and unappealing. Even women are not supposed to cry, in this age of feminism and women empowerment. Men are not exempted of this fact, even if women express that they love a man who can cry. And no, sweating through your eyes is not going to cut it.

We are supposed to strong independent individuals and we need to appear that way even if the darkest corners of your heart are craving for a good cry, a good shout that “Hey! I need some help!”

Because we are supposed to be strong. We are supposed to be strong enough to face whatever challenges overcome us.

I’m okay.

We are supposed to be fine. I cannot stress enough how bad that simple word appears. We have ended up in a world where people are only allowed to cry behind closed doors. Only to the closest of people that you know will empathize, and even those are already so hard to find.

We cry to let people know we are not okay. When we don’t, people will just pass by and think that we are, even if we are not.

And people will just pass by.

And feelings will be left unheard.

And you walk on, and you say that one line to yourself once more.

“I’m fine.”


Ink, Writing and Tree Tattoos

This starting January my father gave me one of those free planners that you get from the office. Normally (or around maybe 2 years ago when I had a craze for planners) I would be excited. But my reaction was a little underwhelming. I didn’t start thinking about writing in it until I actually had something reasonably important to put. And when I did, I took out a pen, pointed it towards the black smooth surface, only to realize I have forgotten how to write with my hands.

I’ve had many experiences with planners. Daily, monthly, yearly, portable, on the wall or large enough to fit your desk and have nothing else on it. But I never really get into the groove of keeping a tangible one. The time when I finally started to have a sense of organization is when I moved to using my smartphone as an alternative. Now with another thick-bound book in my hands, do I use it?


As with anyone and everyone with a blog, we love to write. But what medium we use usually differs. Some prefer the old pen and paper partners and some prefer the pixels and the sound of the wandering fingers over keys. What I find different between the two is not much of the issue when it comes to differentiating the ideas that come out of the writer’s brain. The brain, is the source. But on which canvas you draw your ideas in, that’s a different issue.

Now why do I opt to write on a planner that commands me to etch on it with ink? To me, ink on paper is a greater commitment. You can’t erase it. Now what about a pencil, then? You can erase it, but the embossed surface on the paper is not something you can take back. In a way, it’s a commitment. You wrote that in. You said that you’ll be meeting this certain person at 1 pm at the library. You wrote it in. You have to do it.

This doesn’t apply to planners alone. Oh, you wrote freinds instead of friends? Sucks. Let’s just keep it there until you scratch over it. But you remember the mistake, right? That time that you wrote down a term during a class lecture? You wrote it on the upper left corner of your textbook. You remember it, don’t you?

Which leads me to my next point. Personally, when I write with ink or lead, I think to myself first before I scratch the surface. Should that really be written? Does that sound proper? Thinks like that. It’s like thinking about getting a tattoo. Do I want it to say “I Love Mom” or do I want it to say “Carpe Diem”? You think about it, because there’s some permanence to it. You’ll have to stick to it for a while. It sticks to the paper, and it sticks to your brain.

This what I think is lacking in today’s age. We type too much, think too less. With the presence of the internet we don’t think about what we say, which is why I find comment sections of websites more amusing than actual content. In an uncomfortable note, cyber-bullying is also a huge by-product of this keyboard/pen disparity. With pen and paper, you’d pause before you say “tl;dr” or “get out of your mom’s basement you fa*g*t”.

You think before you say things you might not mean to say.

You think before you say things you might not mean.

You think before you say things.

You think.

Inspired by Pens and Pencils by Daily Post

“I Am In Charge,” says society.

I took a Psychology 101 class last semester and we were asked to view an experiment entitled as Milgram Experiment (or at least, that’s what it was famously named).

In the experiment the subjects were asked by the scientist, or the administrator, to give a certain amount of electrical shock to a subject s/he just met that day in the other room. As the experimentation continues, the shocks become more amplified, and the subjects were observed of how they reacted, and how they subjected their will to administrator who was watching over them. It was considered one of the most controversial experiments due to its psychological pressure through obedience to a higher authority. And it got me thinking.

Continue reading ““I Am In Charge,” says society.”

Red flowers, fabulous gifts and the snow: Wait, we’re talking about Valentines?

Oh, that holiday in which we either have our hearts swollen over, or deflated like there’s no tomorrow. But there are some things that I find remarkably noticeable with Valentines.

Christmas and Valentines, both originating as Christian holidays (at least as far as I know) are celebrated regardless of ethnicity, location and affiliations. They both have a pre-celebration period and it’s a time spent with loved ones, and the time when the Earth overflows with unity, peace and love. They are very much the same in most aspects, and well, not always in a positive note.

The days are two of the most prominent holidays that offer the worst kind of consumerism. Christmas and Valentines cards, children’s gifts, loved ones’ chocolates and flowers, expensive dinner dates and Christmas feasts even holiday lights and jewelries. Everything is hyped up, and every store in the mall and street corners are decorated with hearts or snow men or Santa Claus. And there are a few things that I find peculiar:

  • I know that people will say “tradition,” but I think if expressing love, which is supposed to be addressed everyday, calls for tradition… well.
  • Christmas is celebrated of course once a year due to the idea that births are only once a year, so that’s pretty acceptable. Valentines, I don’t forgive as much. Am I only allowed to express love once a year?
  • Another thing about the 14th is that everyone is expecting it, and it’s either dreaded or anticipated. Christmas is anticipated too, but not quite in the same way. There’s always an expectation of doing something “special” on the romantic day, and if it’s not done, there seems to be grave consequences. (Believe me, I’ve seen them.)

Both are fine celebrations, but sometimes it’s forgotten that these days are celebrated for a reason. May it be the spirit of giving or the rampant idea of expressing love to your loved ones, they are great overall. But really, is expressing your love and generosity defined by the amount of flowers you give, or the number of gifts you’ve provided?

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